Definition
Patronizing: apparently kind or helpful but betraying a feeling of superiority; condescending. Oxford Languages
Examples
”Let’s remember that tens of millions of people voted for the status quo, even when it meant supporting lies, hate, chaos, and division. We’ve got a lot of work to do to reach out to these folks in the years ahead and connect with them on what unites us.” Michelle Obama
“I have often said that Trump voters are deluded, but I don't believe they are bad people. They have just succumbed to fear, like all of us have done sometime in our lives.” Debate Club Friend
“…plenty of well-meaning people were frustrated enough that they took a gamble on a silver-tongued provocateur. It wasn’t because they were “bigoted unthinking lizard brains,” but because they didn’t know where to turn and Trump spoke to their fears.” Nicholas Kristof
(Ironically, Kristof writes elsewhere in the same piece: “Democrats still too often sound patronizing when they speak of Trump voters, and it's hard to recruit people you're patronizing.” )
Why These Examples are Patronizing
The above quotes project an attitude of compassion (“let’s reach out to these folks”), sympathetic understanding (“they didn’t know where to turn”) and/or fellow-feeling (”They have just succumbed to fear, like all of us have done sometime in our lives”), yet each presents Trump voters as clueless, debilitated by fear, and/or in need of guidance. That’s what I call an air of superiority. And, no, I didn’t vote for Trump.
Urban college-educated Democrats seem the most patronizing of all. When Trump won the election in 2016, many of these Dems were bewildered, expressing variations on “How could these people vote for such a horrible man? Don’t they know they’re voting against their own economic interests!”. Here in the San Francisco Bay Area, there seemed to be a consensus that Trump voters were mostly miserable rural folks lashing out against the changing demographics of America, rednecks and dumb hicks who just didn't get that capitalism and billionaires were screwing them over and who clung to white privilege as their only refuge from all the pain and anger. Often such sentiments were confidently expressed in my company (under the apparent assumption that any listener would agree, because we were the smart ones).
Ten Signs of Being Patronizing:
Depicting the Object of One’s Compassion and Understanding as:
Ruled by emotion, especially fear and anger
Ruled by gut-level intuitions
Unthinking
Lacking Self-Awareness
Misguided
Unsophisticated
Lacking a legitimate point-of-view
Uneducated
Confused
Unable to grasp the Big Picture
Concluding Remarks:
Trump received 72 million votes this election. Instead of dismissing 72 million people as “deluded”, maybe we can try listening to what they have to say and seriously consider whether they have a point. For instance, even in this horrible pandemic, most voters (regardless of party) say they’re doing better now than four years ago. Republicans in particular had been increasingly positive about their own personal financial situations throughout the Trump administration, right until March of this year - a sentiment that predicted GDP trends and was consistent with follow-up data confirming such optimism was warranted. It is not unreasonable to credit the Trump administration and Republican leadership - at least in part - for the successful performance of the US economy before Covid hit us hard*. Nor is it unreasonable to be critical of call-out culture or the identity politics so favored by the increasingly dominant left wing of the Democratic party.
So how can one be less patronizing toward Trump supporters? Recognize patronizing language (starting with the 10 signs above) and just stop it.
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*I anticipate those on the left will still dismiss any inclination to credit Trump/Republicans with the good fortune of so many Americans during the Trump years, saying Trump merely inherited a strong economy from Obama. For a more thoughtful discussion of this very issue, see The Economist’s How to Judge President Trumps Economic Record.